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a continual letting go

by Judy
September 24, 2012

It's a continual letting go; letting go of who my mom used to be; who I used to be with my mom; letting go and at the same time taking on new attributes like patience and more patience. I remember when my mom’s memory which had always been quite good began to change and she began to repeat questions or not remember what I had told her. At first there is a rebellion that takes place or perhaps a better expression would be a resistance to really accepting what is happening. I would get impatient and annoyed with my mom; “Come on mom you remember that” or” Why are you asking me the same question again?” It had not quite sunk in yet or maybe I did not want it to sink in that my mom’s memory was just not there in the same way anymore and it was not her fault. And then one starts to adjust to this new change. A part of who she was is no longer and one has to change with her changes; let go and let go; a continual shifting, rearranging until one day you find the roles of mother and daughter have reversed and you are the carer; the one who is needed and the mom who was always like a rock has become so fragile and soft.

 

(Originally written July 27, 2012)

 

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