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essays

by Judy
March 7, 2013 

Do we ever see our parents objectively? Do we ever see anyone objectively? Do we ever see ourselves objectively? You look at another person and depending upon the angle from which one looks, the view is different. Also we are all changing; the other person is changing; you are changing… what we are looking at and who is doing the looking is all in flux.

We are also all getting older and as I get older, my perspective changes…I step back and don’t focus on the particulars so much, the...

a choice of love

by Judy
February 28, 2013 

Lying in bed early one morning a line came into my head: “I am exactly where I am supposed to be.”  I thought: “Where did that come from and what did it mean?” Almost instantly I knew it had to do with the fact that I’m living with my mom almost all the time now in South Florida. Immediately I knew it was true and it surprised me. I wondered why. Had I ever thought that this time with my mom was just an interlude between my “old’ life and “new life, (whatever that means) but some sense of an interlude? Was I waiting in some...

my mother with her youngest grandchild, Luke

by Andrea
February 26, 2013

Writing this blog with Judy encourages both of us to think deeply about important things like giving, growing and the source of true happiness in our elderly mothers. We speak often about these things and inspire each other through what we see and write. I rarely see Judy’s posts before she publishes them, and so I am always surprised and delighted by the freshness of them when I read them. But this last one on "going gentle into...

going gentle into that good night

by Judy
February 21, 2013

The thought came to me the other day that my mom is going gentle into that good night. That expression came to mind in relationship to Dylan Thomas’s famous poem that begins: “Do not go gentle into that good night. Old age should burn and rave at the close of the day; Rage, rage against the dying of the light.” This poem, that I always loved, was actually written for his very sick father, but Dylan himself lived raging in his own way against the dying of the light. He ended up dying at the young age of 39 from hard living and drinking and...

by Judy
February 14, 2013 

It’s Valentine’s Day – a day all about love. Love between husband and wife, between good friends, sisters and brothers, parent and child. What is this love that moves us so deeply? What does it look like? How is it expressed? I asked my 96 year old mother what love is and she said, “It’s a deep feeling of closeness.”  So simple. Then I asked myself, what then is this closeness that evokes so many feelings; feelings of warmth, affection, joy, tenderness and even feelings that are overwhelming at times? I...

When the Table Turns: passing the torch

by Andrea
February 11, 2013

This week on Friday is the 37th Anniversary of my father’s passing, and so I want to write about my father, how his death changed my life, and how he has remained alive in my heart for all these years.

Death is not something that most of us speak about very much. We tend to fear and avoid it. The reason, I believe, is that it is final, and there is no turning back. It is also because we are human, and we become attached to those we love. While I feel very grateful that my mother is alive and healthy...

by Judy
February 7, 2013 

As I delve into writing this blog, I feel in some ways like a detective, a social scientist or perhaps just an acute observer who is studying the whole process of aging. What does it look like, how does it change? It’s not like aging hasn’t been studied before - now more than ever - but however much knowledge is out there, for each one of us, how our family ages and ultimately how we age, has its own distinct qualities. However much we know, we are all still going into new territory. In this way I feel that Andrea...

growing through relationship

by Andrea
February 4, 2013

Since my last post, content to just be, I've been thinking more about the relationship between our own fear of aging and the sad reality that elderly people are too often left uncared for in our culture. When Judy and I started this blog site, I sent it to someone I respect very much. I wanted her review. Her response hit the mark, especially this paragraph...

"...My husband's father just turned 90...

the joy of laughter

by Judy
January 31, 2013 

There is nothing so delightful and beautiful as a shared laugh. For some reason, with my mother, when she does or says something funny or when I do or say something funny, we laugh together and that laughter creates its own laughter and then like a ball set in motion we find ourselves just laughing. It’s an infectious laughter that springs from deep inside, can bring tears to the eyes and a deep sense of oneness. Sometimes my mother will ask me, “Why are you laughing? “And I’ll say, “Because you are laughing...

content to just be

by Andrea
January 28, 2013

In a recent conversation I was having with someone, I was sharing my experience of writing this blog, its purpose and meaning in my life. I found myself saying things that I didn't even realize I knew. That happens a lot when speaking with someone who is truly interested. They pull things out of you that you don't realize are even inside. Once out, it's like you always knew it—but not until that moment. 

Blogging is like that too. In...

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