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body and mind in turmoil: first few months post-stroke

by Judy
November 26, 2012 

And now since the stroke, that’s a whole other jump from who she had been. Now sometimes my mother will moan and cry with no thought of how it appears; caught in her emotions and nothing else matters. I notice I am getting more and more perspective on the whole phenomena; it’s perhaps partly to do with my own survival, but it’s something else as well.

I have more understanding of how strokes effect the emotions and that it does seem to be out of her control or my control. Today especially Mom was so much like a petulant, highly emotional and crazy spoiled child. It still is disturbing at times; painful, but there is much more perspective and yes, distance from it. And we human beings are very adaptive. I see how I am adapting to this new woman with still the hope that tomorrow she will be better. And through it all, she still laughs like her old self at times. Even today when I tried to transfer her from her chair to the wheelchair and I was not succeeding very well and Pat came to the rescue, right afterwards, she burst into laughter; we both did. The humor of the whole situation, at my own lack of adeptness at this new level of care

Each day is different and not necessarily connected to the day before. Yesterday my mom slept a lot of the day and was much quieter. Then one moment for seemingly no reason at all she burst into inconsolable crying as she sat in her wheelchair waiting to be taken to the bed. When she finally got into the bed, and I was consoling her, she said out of the blue, “Judy, don’t treat me like a baby.” Where did that come from? And suddenly she was totally calm again. Pat later asked her about the crying and she said “You have no idea what it’s like to totally lose your independence...”

The stroke that occurred in her midbrain in the pons area is known to effect the emotions and rational thinking so at times she seems like pure uncontrollable response…involuntary response…and then suddenly at moments she is the mom that I remember. Like early this morning when I went into see her, she opened her eyes and saw me and said, “Judy, go back to bed.” She was mom again looking after her daughter.

(Originally written August 2, 2012)

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