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Judy Fox
March 6, 2016

It was just a simple gesture; a simple movement with regard to my mother’s hospital bed that still sits in the middle of her bedroom eight months after she died. What happened is the bed level moved from a high queenly position to a normal height making it much easier to get in and out of it. That was all, but that change “set off’ an unusual response from me and a subsequent contemplation. Let me backtrack a bit. A good friend of mine, Margaret, had been visiting me for a few days down in Florida in my mom’s home where I have been staying for...

by Judy
February 21, 2016

Four months after my mom died in October, I took the plunge and signed up for a writer’s conference in San Miguel de Allende in Mexico. I had heard about this conference a few months earlier…it looked very interesting but the thought of traveling by myself to and in Mexico and not knowing anyone, somewhat scared me. I had also been living such a sedentary life in many ways for the last three years of my mother’s life when I helped to care for her. But I took the plunge and it really did feel like a plunge. At the time I wrote in my journal: “I...

by Judy
February 7, 2016

It’s been two weeks since I came down to Florida staying in my mom’s home. I came down partly to get away from the cold and also because it has become like another home for me, at least for the time being. This is the second time I’ve been here since my mom died seven months ago and again I was not sure how it would be, but it still has the flavor of home and the quiet space that was often my experience over the last three years of my mom’s life. 

And naturally being here I am acutely aware of both my...

by Judy
January 23, 2016

It has been seven months since my beloved mom died…it does get easier…and sometimes I am still overcome by her loss. In those moments I just want her back, want to be able to call her up on the telephone, hear her welcoming voice. Those moments are hard. It is really something when you no longer have a mother, father or brother. In that sense you are an orphan and that is something new. I don’t feel alone however…somehow they are always with me in some way.

This blog site is called “When the Table Turns” and initially it was related to...

by Judy
January 9, 2016

The beginning lines of Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy read: "Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” I thought of this line recently when thinking about the grieving process and how very different it is for each person – each person grieves in his/her own way. If I were asked to give advice about grieving, how could I tell anyone else how it’s “done” except to say to allow oneself  to grieve in their own way and let go of all the ideas and “shoulds” that may be there. It is such an individual matter...

by Judy
December 20, 2015

Pat, who was my mother’s Aide for the last six years of her life and who has become like a sister to me is also the closest link to my mom. Because of that, when I am with Pat or talk with her, I feel so strongly my mom’s presence as does she. We both carry her in our consciousness.

One aspect of my mother that was particularly delightful was her sense of humor. She found humor in so many situations and would laugh with such abandonment that whether it was very funny or not…and usually it was very funny…you could not help but laugh with...

by Judy
December 6, 2015

Someone asked me the other day how taking care of my mom changed me. I told her I had never been a mother, but felt like in some ways I have had that experience. No matter where I was physically - near or far - I felt like my mother was always in my consciousness. There is an interesting balance when that happens, especially with someone who is very fragile and whose health can change at any moment. On one hand, I think there is always in the background of one’s consciousness a kind of tension, knowing how delicate and unpredictable life is and...

by Judy
November 22, 2015

It’s been five months since my mom died and Thanksgiving is approaching. Somehow every day feels like a day of gratitude; nonetheless, given that Thanksgiving is a special day of gratitude, I thought to give voice and words to what I have been given. There is so much that I am grateful for.

For one thing I am alive, relatively healthy and breathing free. That is no small matter and not to be taken for granted.

I have had this deep love and appreciation for my mom that still – even writing these words – brings tears to my eyes. I...

going home - when the table turns

by Judy
November 8, 2015

A week ago I came down to Florida to stay in my mother’s home where she died a little more than 4 months ago. Before coming down from up north I was surprised how much I was looking forward to being here. On an almost unexplainable level, I felt like I was going home. It felt a bit strange in the sense that my mom is no longer here and in that sense I was coming down to an “empty” home – empty of my mom’s flesh and blood and yet it’s the place she lived for over 40 years and where I lived for three straight years helping to...

by Judy
October 25, 2015

My first thought was, “OMG, how did that man survive?”

I had been reading about a deeply spiritual man called Hillel Zeitlin, a Jewish mystic, Yiddish and Hebrew writer, who attempted to ‘rejuvenate” Hasidism between the two world wars. He had a vision of a new Hasidic community that would be a crossroad between Hasidic mysticism and modernity. He lived from 1871-1942 mostly in Poland and died in the Warsaw ghetto. In the course of reading about him, I came upon the fact that his oldest son, Aaron...