essays

by Judy
October 30, 2012

The agony and ecstasy: the agony of being with her at night when she can’t sleep; can’t get comfortable; she’s miserable and restless and is moaning and babbling. It’s like she enters a different realm at night that is full of demons and there is nothing you can do to help except continue to stroke her and then maybe she will sleep for five or ten minutes before she wakes again. Sometimes she wakes from a nightmare and confuses reality with dream and what can soothe her in that moment may be as simple as...

when did the table start to turn?

by Judy
October 24, 2012

The title of this blog is “when the table turns” and really the table started to turn quite a while ago. There are subtle and then not so subtle changes that have been happening over quite some time. Life is about change and yet we don’t always fully acknowledge that or live by that undeniable fact.

So when did the table start to turn? When did my strong, ever independent mother who late into her early nineties still insisted on doing all or most of the driving when I was with her; who continued to cook not only for herself but at times...

a continual letting go

by Judy
September 24, 2012

It's a continual letting go; letting go of who my mom used to be; who I used to be with my mom; letting go and at the same time taking on new attributes like patience and more patience. I remember when my mom’s memory which had always been quite good began to change and she began to repeat questions or not remember what I had told her. At first there is a rebellion that takes place or perhaps a better expression would be a resistance to really accepting what is happening. I would get impatient and annoyed with my mom; “Come on mom you...

an earthquake

by Judy
September 17, 2012

The hardest battle my mother has ever fought is going on right now at the ripe old age of 96. A little over a month ago she had a massive stroke in her midbrain on the right side which left her almost paralyzed on the left side of her body. And it has also affected her emotionally and who knows in how many other ways. I think of it like an earthquake that has occurred and she is still feeling the aftershocks. It has changed her whole inner and outer environment. She is struggling and going through a lot and still she is fighting. In spite of...

where nothing ever grows old

by Andrea
September 15, 2012

Today I am writing about nothing. Nothing at all. And yet, to my endless surprise and delight, there seems to be plenty to say about nothing. When I really look and feel into this topic of nothing, I feel swept away into something that I want to know, and want to bring new words to. In this nothing I feel more myself than anything else, and there is a great and deep happiness there.

Over these past two years I have discovered this place of nothing in my mother, who is now 94 years old. And more than discovering this...

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