giving thanks

by Judy
November 22, 2015

It’s been five months since my mom died and Thanksgiving is approaching. Somehow every day feels like a day of gratitude; nonetheless, given that Thanksgiving is a special day of gratitude, I thought to give voice and words to what I have been given. There is so much that I am grateful for.

For one thing I am alive, relatively healthy and breathing free. That is no small matter and not to be taken for granted.

I have had this deep love and appreciation for my mom that still – even writing these words – brings tears to my eyes. I am aware not everyone can say that. That love cuts straight to the heart and sometimes is experienced as loss and grief – wanting that woman back in the flesh – and sometimes it’s experienced as sweet memories, but always there is a sense that her essence and spirit still nourishes me profoundly and always will.

I am grateful for the simple act of walking and moving and for being able to appreciate these many moments of beauty, of nature. How can it be that the simple act of seeing the changing sky and clouds ever mesmerizes my attention? I often think I would be happy to paint sky and clouds for the rest of my life; to capture that ineffable vastness. Alas, it’s unlikely, but it so often grabs my spirit as do the endless trees, their shapes and silhouettes; these sculptured beings that grace and embrace the landscape that we live with and delight in every day.

I am grateful for the sun’s light and how it moves and illuminates everything it touches, casts shadows and brings a glittering sparkle to our world and our being.

I am forever and always grateful for consciousness; for this intelligence that flows through us, informs, enlivens us, is ever changing, growing, expanding and deepening; that is our loyal friend closer than our skin and reveals so much mystery and reverence for what we can never know and yet we know so deeply.

And of course what would be life without fellow companions, friends, family... without that deepening sense of communion; even those chance encounters with a neighbor, shopkeeper, passing eye contact with “strangers” – it all makes life worth living; that sense of solidarity with our fellowmen/women. I am grateful for friends and family to break bread with, converse, commune with, laugh with, be serious with, support in times of need, in times of joy, pursue projects with….it is never-ending the gratitude for this bond.

Every morning when I wake up, I am happy to start the new day - a sense of adventure and joy.  I notice since my mom died my spirit begins to lighten as I engage in various activities throughout the day and know she would be happy to see me “lifting” upward. I feel her presence with me; memories often pass my mind’s eye; sometimes resting with me for a while and other times they just stop for a moment and then move on. We live on so many different planes.

The list is endless: grateful for all creatures big and small that inhabit this planet; for the expected; that the day always follows the night; for the unexpected; surprises that enrich our lives; for being a human being and wanting to evolve and transform; for so much wisdom and beauty and love that has been passed on from one generation to another.

I am so grateful to be ALIVE at this moment still with life pulsing through me and a sense of possibility in the midst of much darkness, but always there is the possibility of something better, more whole and ever more light. 

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